Dating is not as easy as the fairytales would have you believe. You don’t fall into a deep sleep and wake up to a prince charming and a happily ever after. Modern-day dating is demanding and sometimes, downright tiring. You must find someone you actually like, and then cross your fingers that they like you back enough to tolerate you for more than a few dates. For many singles, finding this one person that they are attracted to can be nerve-wracking, what with the dynamic dating landscape that is characterized by low attention spans and endless hookup options. If you are a single parent, dating can be especially exhausting. Juggling parenting roles with romantic efforts can take a toll on anyone, but it doesn’t mean that dating should be out of the question if you are a single parent. As a matter of fact, a supportive romantic partner can go a long way in infusing you with the positive energy you need to be a super parent to your kids. When done correctly, dating as a single parent can be very rewarding. But how exactly should it be done so that is qualifies as ‘correct’? Here’s how:
Full Disclosure
It is a question that many single parents who are interested in dating grapple with—when is the best time to disclose that you have kids? There are many schools of thought involved in the debate regarding when the best timing is. There are those that think being a parent should not overshadow who you are as a person, and that disclosing the fact early on might put off potential partners. As a parent however, you want to date someone who likes you for the wholesome person that you are—and that includes being a parent to your children. The best idea is to let potential partners know from the onset that you come as part of a package. If you are dating online, include this information in your bio. This way, you’ll know that anyone who reaches out to you is okay with dating a person who has children. It saves you the awkwardness of having to figure out how to introduce the children discussion later on, and keeps away the time-wasters. If meeting in person, bring up the topic of children early on so that your new acquaintance gets this important information early on. For instance, you might want to mention how you’ve just come from dropping your daughter off at school, or any other information that will communicate that you are a parent.
Be Your Authentic Self
As a single parent who has potentially been out of the dating game for a while, it can be overwhelming trying to jump back in. The last time you dated, you were a hot young twenty-year-old thing with no difficulties when it came to finding dates. Now, you’re in your late thirties and how to get back into the dating pool. However tempting it might be to create a persona of something you are not, it is best to just be yourself. It is the oldest advice in the book as far as how to get people to like you—just be yourself. You do not have to put up a faux personality of this high-powered individual who likes to take risks and jump from airplanes if you’re not that. You can be a permanently exhausted single parent with bags under your eyes and there will still be someone who sees something great about you and loves you for it. Being your authentic self means that you will not suppress the passion and pride you feel for your kids just because you are worried about the other person being uncomfortable. If your kid achieved something, talk about it openly like you would to your close friends. It is not something to hide; it is something to be proud of. If anything, it shows that you are doing a great job as a parent.
Have Fun
Many times as a parent, it is difficult to have fun in the absence of your child without feeling guilty. Parenting is a real joy, but it also comes with emotions and responsibilities that complicate a whole lot of things. While you want to be out having fun and embarrassing yourself over karaoke, you also feel like you should be reading your young one a bedtime story. Many dates have been ruined by a parent who just could not stop calling the babysitter to check on the kids even after being reassured a thousand times that the kids were indeed fine. You have to condition yourself to switch off, let your hair down and have some good old fun. Seriously, nowhere is it written that being a parent is the end to having fun. As long as your kids are well-taken care off, relax and enjoy that dinner date. Having fun with other adults is one of the ways you’ll be able to stay sane while parenting alone.
Do Your Due Diligence
The last thing you want to do is introduce an adult who poses a danger to your kids to your household, so make sure you undertake thorough due diligence on your potential partners. It does not mean that you have to bombard them with questions. Honest conversations about who they are, their beliefs and views on certain matters, and simple observations about how they carry themselves will give you pointer on who they are. Do not introduce a boyfriend or girlfriend to the kids until you are certain that they would be safe around the said person.
