I know, I know – it’s been awhile since you went on a date. Or at least a GOOD date… one with promise. You want so desperately for it to go well, so you talk about alllll those things that are soooo important to you. You want a loving relationship, with someone who understands you. You want to be equal partners. You want a family – lots of kids – a dog, maybe two, maybe a cat – and a house with a white picket fence. Across the table, your date smiles and nods – things are going GREAT!! Obviously THIS is the one…

Time to plan a second date. You call, or text, the same night to work on another date. You don’t hear anything… that night, or the next day, or the next. You start to panic. You can’t lose this one – things were SO perfect!! So you text some more, call some more, and some more and some more… Nothing. Why? What happened?

You may have come across as a little too desperate. The combination of the over-excitement regarding your future together and the way-too-enthusiastic contact and planning attempt afterwards was way too much. I’m not a proponent for games, or playing hard to get, but it’s obvious that there is a not-so-fine line between “hard to get” and normal.

So what do you do next time to avoid seeming desperate? Resist the urge to over-share, over-dream, over-predict. Don’t talk so much about what you want in a relationship that you freak your date out. When you paint a clear picture of what you want, do you think that that’s something someone else feels they could live up to? That’s a lot of pressure, even for someone you’ve been dating awhile – so imagine what pressure someone you just met would feel.

Resist the urge to push to plan the next date RIGHT away. If you didn’t plan it together during the date, or at the end of the date, give it a day or two. There’s nothing wrong with texting or calling after the date to say thank you, and that you had a great time, but don’t push to plan unless they bring it up.

Just remember that desperate is like relationship repellant. It’s the best way to make someone run the other way!