What do you remember about your childhood? For some lucky people, childhood is a time awash with great memories that will live with them forever. For other unfortunate ones, childhood was a time of helplessness, abuse and neglect. There is yet another cohort—the ones whose childhood was just an ordinary, blissful experience with somewhat good memories and nothing major to report. Whichever group you belong to, your childhood influences the types of relationships and social experiences you have later on as an adult.
When a child is born, they are given a clean slate on which to start their life. This clean slate is later on filled up with the emotions and experiences they go through at the hands of their caretakers. If you were born into a loving family that was keen on being physically affectionate, it is likely that you will be a physically affectionate adult. If you were born in a family where one of the parents was abusive to the other, you’ll most likely struggle with abuse—whether understanding or recognizing it—in your own relationships. This is because childhood is the building block upon which adulthood is founded. Childhood informs the kind of adult you will become, and the type of things you will struggle with. Here are five ways your childhood affects your relationships:
Your Social Skills Are Impaired
If you were constantly left out as a child, you will carry on this feelings of isolation well into your adulthood. As such, you might find yourself feeling as if you are not good enough to go out and socialize with other people. Some people build walls as a coping mechanism. They convince themselves that they can do just fine on their own without needing other people’s acceptance. While you should not live life seeking other people’s validation, it is important to resolve feelings of isolation and being judged for your appearance and whatnot, instead of hiding behind walls. Find something that you are great at and share it with the people around you. When you are great at something, your confidence gets a boost. Confident people interact much better in social situations.
Communication Problems Are a Landmark in your Life
A child that is constantly put down eventually learns to push their needs to the bottom so that they do not have to be constantly rejected. If you were always hearing ‘no’ in your childhood, you might find it difficult to ask for the things you want in adulthood. Most people who grew up without their needs being prioritized grow up to be givers and pleasers. If you have found yourself being shy every time it is your turn to ask for something, find the courage to tell yourself that you are worthy and deserving of what you are about to ask for. Remember, if you never ask, the answer will always be no.
Problem Solving Doesn’t Come Easily
Problem solving is complex for adults, leave alone kids who have run into a quagmire in the playground. The way you solve the problems that arise in your relationships could make or break these relationships. Ideally, the best way to solve a problem is to name it, solve it and then evaluate the solution. For this to be done, you need to have a grasp on emotional regulation, negotiation, and decision-making, among other skills. This is not an area that many kids are taught on, especially since many parents would rather just solve the problems for the kids instead of taking them through the problem-solving process. The good news is that problem solving is a skill you can learn well into your adulthood, and with great results.
Your Confidence is Lacking
Nobody is born doubting their abilities. Self-doubt is something that is learned over years of getting constantly torn down by the people who were supposed to build you. if you grew up in a household where you were constantly reminded that you are ‘stupid’ or ‘ugly’ or ‘not good enough’, you’ll grow up believing that you are those things. Later on, as an adult, you will never feel good or worthy enough, and are likely to seek out partners who are not deserving of you. For instance, you might end up with a partner who continues to call you those things. After all, you’ve heard them before—what is one more time? If you are struggling with self-doubt, you must take the journey towards feeling worthy and confident again. Start with words of affirmation. Meditation can help too. List down the things you have accomplished and what you like about yourself. Spend time with people who love you and say great things about you. Remind yourself that you are not the sum of those unkind words that were said to you by people who should have known better.
You Are Attracted to People Who Aren’t Good for You
People gravitate towards what is familiar to them. If you were raised by toxic adults, you might find yourself gravitating towards toxic relationships in your adulthood, whether knowingly or otherwise. The first step in breaking this cycle is acknowledging when your relationship choices are not healthy and looking back to see when cycle started. Toxic behaviors can be unlearned—sometimes alone and sometimes with the help of a professional. You might not be able to change what happened to you when you were a powerless five-year-old, but you can choose better for yourself as an adult. You are not a prisoner of your childhood. You are a free adult with the will to choose a better life and a happy ending for your story.
