Thinking of leaving a relationship? How do you know whether or not it’s actually time to make a change?
Every relationship has its ups and down. Any time you combine two people, whether romantically or not, there will be differences in opinion and you will have issues. There are no guarantees in life or love, but you can bet that every relationship will have problems. It’s not IF you’ll fight, it’s WHEN. The most important factor in it all is HOW you fight.
I’ll save the fun details on “fighting fair” for another post, but I do need to say that when you fight dirty and say or do hurtful things, you are damaging your relationship. The more damage done, the harder it is to un-do. Most people base their decision on whether or ot to stay in a relationship on the way they have been made to feel by their partner. If they say mean things in the heat of the moment, do you REALLY think those things will ever be forgotten? If they drop bombs like “I want a divorce” or “I don’t want to be here anyway”, do you think they explode without leaving casualities? From both personal and professional experience, I can tell you that the answer is “no”.
So you go through the roller coaster of love with your partner, one day is great, the next is horrible. Morning is fantastic and everything is shunshine and roses, and that night it all goes to pot. Up and down and up and down…. it’s exhausting, frankly. So what do you do? Is leaving the relationship the best option? Or is sticking it out? There is rarely a clear answer, with the exception of your safety. If you are not physically safe, then IT’S TIME TO LEAVE.
The rest is mud. You love each other but can’t stop fighting. You get along 95% of the time but that 5% is a nightmare. You feel obligated to stay for whatever reason but you are extremely unhappy. You don’t really fight but there’s no passion – maybe even no love – left. There are a million different forms of this roller coaster, but the question is always the same: Should I stay or should I go?

My advice is this: Find someone to talk to who isn’t biased. What does that mean? Go see a counselor or psychologist. Your mom or your best friend is never going to give you unbiased advice. If you don’t want to go talk to a professional, I offer advice sessions through my site www.calibermatch.com. There is also an amazing book called “Too Good to Leave, Too Bad to Stay” by Mira Kirshenbaum. It is extremely helpful, and you can even book an appointment with the author. This is what I did almost 7 years ago when I was stuck in my own “Good vs. Bad, Stay vs. Leave” delimma.Just know that you deserve love. So does your partner. Don’t be hurtful and don’t do damage. The Golden Rule, people. You can’t take that crap back.

No one can tell you to go or stay – you have to figure that out on your own. The good news is, there are people out here to listen and help. Take advantage of that.
Lots of Love,
Emily
PS If you want to buy the book, you can get it through Amazon at http://www.amazon.com/Good-Leave-Stay-Step-Step/dp/0452275350 and you can contact the author, Mira, via this site: http://www.chestnuthillinstitute.com/mirakirshenbaum/oneononehelp